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Kawaii Five​-​0

by Banäna Deäthmüffins

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1.
I thought I knew a Winston Turned out he was a Vincent How ya doin', Vincent? Hello
2.
Luv Jail 02:37
Luv jail Guilty as hell now Luv jail Wanna be held with Out Bail Don’t wanna get out of L*U*V J*A*I*L Luv jail Here with my wife in Luv jail 20 to life? I say Oh well Isn't it nice in L*U*V J*A*I*L ROCK! Lock me up Throw away the key I’m makin’ sweet luv In the luv penitentiary No regrets Guilty as charged Doin’ hard time Livin’ it large Luv jail No parole now Luv jail Relationship goals now All hail The rock and the roll now L*U*V J*A*I*L Luv jail Serving my time in Luv jail If it’s a crime then Oh well Not a lot rhymes with L*U*V J*A*I*L ROCK! Send me up the river Lock me in the hoosegow Me and my baby We're in the jailhouse now We like it here In our cell Makin’ sweet luv In the county hotel Luv jail Don’t need no jailbreak Luv jail Don’t need no file cake Hard sell Like Donald E Westlake L*U*V J*A*I*L Luv jail Bang the hammer Luv jail Throw me in the slammer Oh hell Pardon my grammar L*U*V J*A*I*L
3.
[Burger monkeys] out of their minds [Burger monkeys] waving their behinds [Burger monkeys] can’t read no signs [Burger monkeys] flinging the poo [Burger monkeys] fling it on you [Burger monkeys] what can you do Chorus Running around like a gawdamn animal Burger monkeys ain’t got no shame Running around like a gawdamn animal One more time I’m gonna take some names [Burger monkeys] dancing on the tables [Burger monkeys] yanking on the cables [Burger monkeys] ripping off the labels [Burger monkeys] stoked and battle ready [Burger monkeys] looking pretty unsteady [Burger monkeys] one of them is named Eddie Chorus Running around like a gawdamn animal Burger monkeys ain’t got no shame Running around like a gawdamn animal Think they live in a videogame Running around like a gawdamn animal Ain’t nobody gonna take the blame Running around like a gawdamn animal One more time I’m gonna take some names [Burger monkeys] can I take it to the bridge [Burger monkeys] I wanna take it to the bridge [Burger monkeys] coming up to the bridge THE BRIDGE [Burger monkeys] disturbin’ the peace [Burger monkeys] sloppin’ the grease [Burger monkeys] on work release [Burger monkeys] want the banana boat [Burger monkeys] want the root beer float [Burger monkeys] Jim that’s all she wrote Chorus Running around like a gawdamn animal Burger monkeys ain’t got no shame Running around like a gawdamn animal Think they live in a videogame Running around like a gawdamn animal Ain’t nobody gonna take the blame Running around like a gawdamn animal One more time I’m gonna take some names
4.
PART 1: HONG KONG TO HELSINKI Prologue: Moscow on the left Tula on the right Red-light wingtips Flashing in the night Verse: John Stewart tryin’ to make Stevie Nicks Rock drummers all got 10-inch sticks The president of Iceland’s blocking the bus Moist towelettes for each and every one of us Chorus: Eating Neapolitan Moose x 3 No such thing as moose abuse (Moose Abuse - huh!) PART 2: HELSINKI TO HONG KONG Prologue: Scandinavian flight attendants In the airport in Helsinki Armed with six hot dogs apiece And you thought that I was kinky Verse: Eddie Murphy is the Nutty Professor When I grow up I wanna be a crossdresser Eight miles high and nothing to do I think I’m turning into a kangaroo Chorus: Eating Neapolitan Moose x 3 No such thing as moose abuse (Moose Abuse - huh!) Epilogue: Eating Neapolitan Moose x 8
5.
How did you lose your ball? How did you write on the wall? How did you get through that door? How did you do that to the floor? How did you get up there? How did you move that chair? How did you get that job? How did you clobber the mob? How did you get outside? How did you get untied? How did you get that beer? How did these bones get here? How did you make the scene? How did yr face turn green? How did you become queen? How did yr face turn green? How do you like them beans? How did yr face turn green?
6.
V1: My Puppy’s going psycho It sounds crazy, I know But have you seen her lately? Only she’s been acting strangely She thinks that she’s a kitty Or worse, G Gordon Liddy Chewin’ on her toenails And paranoid as all hell Chorus: My Puppy’s going psycho-oh-oh-oh! My Puppy’s going psycho-oh-oh! My Puppy’s going psycho-oh-oh-oh! My Puppy’s going psycho! V2: My Puppy’s going psycho It’s not a pretty sight, no! She’s going off the deep end Totally around the bend She’s been having nightmares Evil rabbits everywhere Hiding under the bed and hopped up on Sudafed Chorus: My Puppy’s going psycho-oh-oh-oh! My Puppy’s going psycho-oh-oh! My Puppy’s going psycho-oh-oh-oh! My Puppy’s going psycho! Bridge: She’s totally wacko, she’s completely loony tunes She’s mad as a hatter, and barking at the moon Satanic rabbits are dancing in her brain She’s on the crazy train She’s insane in the membrane Lead madness V3: My Puppy’s going psycho She’s gone into the aggro She’s in the mouth of madness With no forwarding address She’s been hearing voices She’s obsessed with James Joyce, yeah There’s a bustle in her hedgerow It’s paranoia-go-go Chorus: My Puppy’s going psycho-oh-oh-oh! My Puppy’s going psycho-oh-oh! My Puppy’s going psycho-oh-oh-oh! My Puppy’s going psycho!
7.
8.
Kawaii Five-0 What’s their jurisdiction? I don’t know Kawaii Five-0 Book em Danno go go go! Kawaii Five-0 Got no badges but they’re ready to go Kawaii Five-0 Book em Danno go go go! Kawaii on the east side Kawaii on the west side Here comes the shakedown All the way from downtown Kawaii gonna suck you in Lay you down and tuck you in Next thing you know you’ve been deputized Good thing I could use the exercise Kawaii Five-0 Cute as the dickens and ready to roll Kawaii Five-0 Book em Danno go go go! Kawaii Five-0 Dontcha feel safer when they’re on patrol Kawaii Five-0 Book em Danno go go go! Kawaii in the morning Kawaii in the evening Don't forget the tea time Especially the tea time Pastries cheese and coffee Root beer extra frosty Quaff it all down with authority Kawaii rearranges your priorities Always outnumbered but never outsized Layin’ down the law with their anime eyes Kawaii Five-0 One for the money, two for the show Kawaii Five-0 Book em Danno go go go! Kawaii Five-0 Got the situation under control Kawaii Five-0 Book em Danno go go go! Kawaii on the outside Cujo on the inside Now gimme a Kawaiian Punch!
9.
Verse 1 Went to pay my gas bill Saw a cat with human teeth It’s not a metaphor I mean a cat with human teeth He was curled up on the printer Orange as a tangerine Eyes as wide as the ocean Hopped up on caffeine Bridge I wish he’d never smiled at me Things like that can’t be unseen Chorus: It was a cat with human teeth Got a smile beyond belief It was a cat with human teeth Yr in danger so I’ll be brief Verse 2 I offered him a Slim Jim Cos what else was I gonna do? See a cat with teeth like that You kinda wanna see him chew He nodded and gave me two thumbs up Then he grabbed me by the collar His eyes and mouth opened extra-wide That’s when I began to holler Bridge I don’t wanna be a snack I think I want my Slim Jim back Chorus: It was a cat with human teeth Takes suspension of disbelief It was a cat with human teeth Whatever you do don’t give him beef Verse 3 I thought that would be the end of me Devoured by a freaky cat The cashier was my hero She put a stop to all that Grabbed the cat and put him back Then she smacked me upside the head “Never feed a cat with teeth like that, “58 dollars,” she said. Bridge The moral of this story of mine This is why I pay my bills online Chorus It was a cat with human teeth Got a smile beyond belief It was a cat with human teeth Whatever you do, don’t call him Chief It was a cat with human teeth Wants you for an aperitif It was a cat with human teeth Whatever you do don’t give him beef
10.
Verse 1 Is he under the bed? Is he out in the yard? Is he behind the couch with the National Guard? Find the fat dog! Is he in the kitchen? Is he in Brazil? Is he on the phone? Is he over the hill? Find the fat dog! Bridge: Do you see him? No no no! Do you see him? No no no! Do you see him? No no no! Well go and find him! Go go go! Chorus x 2 Find the fat dog! (Man, where’d he go?) Which one’s the fat dog? (Man, I dunno!) Find the fat dog! (Get into gear!) Where is that dog? (Man, he ain’t here!) Verse 2 Is he the one on the left? Is he the one on the right? Is he taking a bath? Is he on the next flight? Find the fat dog! Is he on the porch? Is he in the hall? Is he raiding the fridge? Is he on the ball? Find the fat dog! Bridge: Do you see him? No no no! Do you see him? No no no! Do you see him? No no no! Well go and find him! Go go go! Chorus x 2 Find the fat dog! (Man, where’d he go?) Which one’s the fat dog? (Man, I dunno!) Find the fat dog! (Get into gear!) Where is that dog? (Man, he ain’t here!) Breakdown rap: Don’t worry about it It doesn’t matter which one he is He’s alright and he’s okay and he’s just fine the way he is Is he fat or is he thin? It’s not that big an issue to him He just wants to play with you and a ball, and maybe something to chew Bridge: Do you see him? No no no! Do you see him? No no no! Do you see him? No no no! Well go and find him! Go go go! Chorus x 2 Find the fat dog! (Man, where’d he go?) Which one’s the fat dog? (Man, I dunno!) Find the fat dog! (Get into gear!) Where is that dog? (Man, he ain’t here!) Hey fat dog! Come out and play! x 8
11.
CHORUS Pastries cheese and coffee Mmmm mmmm good Pastries cheese and coffee All up in yr neighborhood 1. THE PASTRY MENU Croissants, pineapple buns Sunday go-to-meetin’ buns Berliners and cream puffs Danishes and nun’s puffs Bear claws and donuts Beaver tails and cronuts Swiss rolls, jelly rolls Eleven kinds of muffins, yo Macarons and Brownies Crepe suzettes and Dorayakis Éclairs, tarts and Strudels Cakes? Oh we got oodles Cheese cakes and moon cakes Bundt cakes and bum cakes Pound cakes and opera cakes Coffee cakes and pancakes Don’t forget the banoffee pie! I’m all about the banoffee pie CHORUS Pastries cheese and coffee Mmmm mmmm good Pastries cheese and coffee In Brussels, Rome or Hollywood 2. THE CHEESE MENU Cream cheese, cottage cheese Bath cheese and basket cheese Beer cheese, breakfast cheese Venezuelan beaver cheese Cojack and Colby-Jack Pepper Jack, Sonoma Jack Of course the Monterey Jack Got more cheese than that, Jack Edam, Munster, Cheddar Swiss, Paneer and Cheshire Gloucester, Gouda, Provolone Mozzarella Roqueforte Gorgonzola Camembert “Cougar Gold?” Right over there Stilton, Feta, Yorkshire Blue Got some Cornish Pepper too Don’t forget the Hereford Hop Everybody do the Hereford Hop CHORUS Pastries cheese and coffee That’s a good breakfast If Johnny don’t want none That’s more for the rest of us 3. THE COFFEE MENU Black coffee, white coffee Irish coffee, Turkish coffee Filtered, drip and French press Percolated? Hell yes Espresso, Americano Cortado, Cafe Cubano Café Latte, Café Mocha Chai Latte and Cafe Zorro Doppio ristretto Lungo cappuccino Macchiato Antoccino Frappa Wappa Slappaccino Nanyang, kopi susu ‘Ca Phe Sua Da’ for you Espressino, Eiskaffee, Liqueur coffee, yay yay yay Don't forget the Cafe Bombon Make mine a Cafe Bombon
12.

about

Recorded, re-recorded, mixed, remixed and reassembled at Terribly Frog Studios and UltraLlama Emergency Backup Studios from October 2016 to October 2018

Lyrics by dEFROG
Music by Banäna Deäthmüffins
©2018 Terribly Frog Music. Derechos Reservados!

Except for "A Medley of Muffins, Man" (Zappa/trad)

PRODUCTION NOTE: Some songs contain words that yr parents yell when they're on the Twitters. Perhaps you yourself have done likewise.

THANKS: to our producer and Jesus Christ. And a very special thanks to everyone who likes us or pretends to like us cos we're friends and stuff.

Banäna Deäthmüffins uses Anboy guitars EXCLUSIVELY because we literally can't afford to buy another one.

credits

released November 10, 2018

The band*:

John “dEFROG” Deäthmüffin: guitar, vocals
Beth Deäthmüffin: guitar, backing vocals
Seth Deäthmüffin: bass, backing vocals
Goo Deäthmüffin: percussion things

Guest keyboards by Bill Penguin

Producer: Katie Fletcher
Svengali: Randi Panda
Cover stars: Bonbon and Funny

*Some of these people may or may not exist, technically.

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Banäna Deäthmüffins Hong Kong

Banäna Deäthmüffins (formerly known as Wet Riser, Thundernuts, Penguin Salad, Penguin Lust, Penguin Rock City, Jefferson Penguins, Blue Oyster Penguins, Pink Penguins, Street-Fighting Penguins, Kung Fu Penguins, Jethro Penguin, Gay Penguins, Sassy Penguins, Edgy Penguins, Itchy Penguins, Penguin Masters, and Average White Banjos) are the official house band of Team Frog International. ... more

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